Diary of a Moody Dude

I have recently been seeing a therapist to help with the health anxieties that have been plaguing me ever since my heart attack. The therapist is a Cognitive Behaviourist, and she has me working from a book where I recount the times when my mood took a turn for the worse, which we later discuss in person. These are my most recent entries:

THE SITUATION
Trying to broaden my horizons, I decided to listen to some award-winning throat singing. The music scared me and made me very anxious, which brought on a panic attack. As I hyperventilated, rocking back and forth, the dog thought I wanted to play and began to bark hysterically.

YOUR MOODS (rate each mood 0-100%)

Scared: 120%

Frustrated: 90%

Uncultured: 100%

YOUR THOUGHTS (highlight the HOT thought)

Throat singing sounds like an Ayahuasca hallucination.

It is demonic.

The Amityville Horror.

Is there a ghost in the apartment?

HOT THOUGHT: WAS THERE EVER A MURDER IN THIS APARTMENT?

The bedroom is always cold. Maybe the murder took place in the bedroom?

The Shining.

I can’t breathe.

I am going to die.

Will the dog eat me when I die?

How many days/hours will pass before the dog begins to eat me?

THE SITUATION

I took a Buzzfeed quiz on Facebook and it said the city I should actually live in is Portland, which was stupid and insulting.

YOUR MOODS

Anger: 100%

Bitterness: 110%

Confusion: 90%

YOUR THOUGHTS

I don’t even do yoga.

I hate hippies, plaid and Tonya Harding.

The city I should actually live in is New York.

BuzzFeed are a bunch of morons.

HOT THOUGHT: I SHOULD SUE BUZZFEED.

And when I win, move to New York.

Although I am curious about Bigfoot, and he lives near Portland.

Maybe Buzzfeed knows something I don’t.

Feeling insecure and judged.

And a little cold. Damn blood thinners.

THE SITUATION

I watched a video on global warming and then felt hot and panicky. I took my temperature and it was fine, so I took it again and it was still fine. Then I thought the thermometer must be broken and I was probably experiencing the onset of a fatal heart attack.

YOUR MOODS

Abject Terror: 200%

Anger at Big Oil and Thermometer-Making Companies: 120%

Despair: 90%

Regret: 140%

THOUGHTS

At least I’ll be spared dying of a catastrophic flood or something.

I hope the heart attack is quick and painless.

I wonder if Anthony would fly back from Africa for my funeral?

Probably not.

HOT THOUGHT: ANTHONY IS FULL OF HIMSELF.